I have recently had conflict in both my personal life and professional life. I used to run from conflict and just bend over and take it up the...you know what. I quickly learned that I cannot be an effective supervisor if I do this and I will not be happy either I will be miserable. NVC suggestions are great ways of communicating and can say that I have often used them without the knowledge of them.
Personal
I am a step mom of two children, although I do not consider myself step nor do my girls. In fact, they moved with us to Florida, making me a full time mother to them. There is very little conflict between their other mother and I; however, recently there was some conflict I think because I have the girls full time and she may feel a bit lets say disconnected. She knows I love them as my own so there is never a feeling of my girls won't be taken care of. Megan our 14 year old has a hip injury and is going to have to have surgery. Her biological mom want her to have it when she comes home for Christmas. Megan told her mother that she wanted to have it here in Florida so that all her follow up care is with the same doctor. Reasonable, right? Megan has asked her mother to send the images numerous times to get the MRI's and send them, she wouldn't so finally I got involved. I used the 3 R's without even trying.
Respectful and Reciprocal- I honored her feelings and told her that I understand how she is feeling and that it must be hard to grasp your daughter having surgery away from her. However, we need to honor Megans feelings which are valid, more than reasonable, they are actually smart.
I did my best to respond to her feelings and validate her and try my best...to somewhat make her feel better. In the end she did send the MRI's but she did not respond to my last text message of validating her and after 2 weeks she just started communicating again.
Professional
As I told you, all recently I moved and accepted a new position. I was to start working at a brand new school. The opening was delayed and I am helping out at another school. I am a education coordinator and it is my job to ensure children are not just getting babysat. I created a newsletter of some ideas for the teachers. This letter is just for the teachers and they do not have to use the ideas within it. Living in Florida without any season I felt that it is our due diligence to expose the children to fall if they show interest. I concentrated on pumpkins and found activities that match elements within our curriculum. The director was not receptive and the first thing she said was we don't have to do fall because we don't have fall and we are emergent. I restated my first comment that it is just a collection of ideas that do not need to be used, but that I focused on pumpkins because when a child goes into the store they are bombarded by pumpkins. Any way I was bothered, I felt like she wasn't listening. I cannot explain it thoroughly. I did approach her privately and try to reexplain. I explained that although we are emergent we can strategically introduce things to evoke interest. I also explained that when I was a teacher I enjoyed my supervisors taking the time to give ideas. We all know they love take homes and a handouts. Anyway...I met later in the week with my true director that I will be working with who has been with the company longer than the director I am assisting until the school opening and without telling her my experience with the other director I shared the Curriculum fun Newsletter with her and she loved it.
I validated her stance and was respectful. I feel like it is a power stance on her part...but I am not trying to take her power I am just trying to create passion and excitement within her team. I don't know what to do with the woman I am working with now. Suggestions?
Jocelyn,
ReplyDeleteI feel you did a great thing exposing children to new ideas and concepts! Just because a child does not physically experience fall does not mean they should not be exposed to educational learning on such topics. In MN we experience all seasons. Think if a student of yours was to visit a relative in Minnesota in September and October, they would not understand the concept of pumpkins, leaves, and scarecrows.
You seemed to handle your professional conflict well by standing up for yourself but still be respectful to superiors. I have heard many times from my coworkers that they love a supervisor who listens to their ideas and helps share them within the center. I hope your creativity was embraced and valued.
Jocelyn,
ReplyDeleteI think that you are doing a good job trying to expose children to new things. I have made this statement several times to the teaching staff at my school. Children need to learn that there is more in life than the neighborhood they live in. The teachers constantly complain when I make field trips to museums that these children will probably never go to. The teachers always say that they are boring or to long, I have told them that the trips are not for them and that if they make it interesting the children will be interested. I had one classroom take my advice and make the field trips fun for the children. Sometimes it is difficult when you are working with a bunch of females, because instead of lifting each other up we are always trying to take them down. When we try to work together and make suggestions we think that we are being a smart butt and do not accept ideas from others.
Best of Luck,
Erica