Thank you 6165

I have enjoyed working with all of you this semester. I feel that I have ventured out of my comfort zone with communicating in the discussion boards. I have learned a lot from all of you. I felt this class was a class will be remembered as a landmark of sorts in my Maters Program. Thank you Dr. Parrish and all my colleagues.

Adjourning

            As I read the blog question, my eyes filled with tears. I have just recently adjourned from a group that I was part of for ten years. It was very hard for me to leave. I was so upset on my last day I even got physically sick. We were at the performing stage and performing very well. It was so hard to leave because of the trust and love that had formed between all of us. We had become a great team that we even could read each other’s moods by facial expression when we arrived in the morning.  This group had established norms and new the expectation of the supervisor and company.  We adjourned by celebrating together with a BBQ pool party, reminiscing and enjoying what was.

             I believe that it is harder to leave a group that is established and performing well because success feels good and no one want to leave something that feels good. However, when in order to grow it is essential to move on to the next project or step in life.  I also believe that sometimes a group can stay together too long and complacency can occur and growth of the individual will cease. I know I do not want this; therefore, it is imperative to know when it is time to adjourn whether or not the project is complete or not.

A movie demonstration/ Fun way of seeing  the stages of team development in action...taken from Remember the Titans.

         
I have enjoyed working with all the students and teachers here at Walden and I will miss the learning experience once I have completed my program; however, I, sadly, have not felt close to any particular person and I will be happy to have finished this difficult endeavor. 

Conflict

I have recently had conflict in both my personal life and professional life. I used to run from conflict and just bend over and take it up the...you know what. I quickly learned that I cannot be an effective supervisor if I do this and I will not be happy either I will be miserable. NVC suggestions are great ways of communicating and can say that I have often used them without the knowledge of them.

Personal

I am a step mom of two children, although I do not consider myself step nor do my girls. In fact, they moved with us to Florida, making me a full time mother to them. There is very little conflict between their other mother and I; however, recently there was some conflict I think because I have the girls full time and she may feel a bit lets say disconnected. She knows I love them as my own so there is never a feeling of my girls won't be taken care of. Megan our 14 year old has a hip injury and is going to have to have surgery. Her biological mom want her to have it when she comes home for Christmas. Megan told her mother that she wanted to have it here in Florida so that all her follow up care is with the same doctor. Reasonable, right? Megan has asked her mother to send the images numerous times to get the MRI's and send them, she wouldn't so finally I got involved. I used the 3 R's without even trying.

Respectful and Reciprocal-  I honored her feelings and told her that I understand how she is feeling and that it must be hard to grasp your daughter having surgery away from her. However, we need to honor Megans feelings which are valid, more than reasonable, they are actually smart.
I did my best to respond to her feelings and validate her and try my best...to somewhat make her feel better. In the end she did send the MRI's but she did not respond to my last text message of validating her and after 2 weeks she just started communicating again.

Professional

As I told you, all recently I moved and accepted a new position. I was to start working at a brand new school. The opening was delayed and I am helping out at another school. I am a education coordinator and it is my job to ensure children are not just getting babysat. I created a newsletter of some ideas for the teachers. This letter is just for the teachers and they do not have to use the ideas within it. Living in Florida without any season I felt that it is our due diligence to expose the children to fall if they show interest. I concentrated on pumpkins and found activities that match elements within our curriculum. The director was not receptive and the first thing she said was we don't have to do fall because we don't have fall and we are emergent. I restated my first comment that it is just a collection of ideas that do not need to be used, but that I focused on pumpkins because when a child goes into the store they are bombarded by pumpkins. Any way I was bothered, I felt like she wasn't listening. I cannot explain it thoroughly.  I did approach her privately and try to reexplain. I explained that although we are emergent we can strategically introduce things to evoke interest. I also explained that when I was a teacher I enjoyed my supervisors taking the time to give ideas. We all know they love take homes and a handouts. Anyway...I met later in the week with my true director that I will be working with who has been with the company longer than the director I am assisting until the school opening and without telling her my experience with the other director I shared the Curriculum fun Newsletter with her and she loved it.

I validated her stance and was respectful. I feel like it is a power stance on her part...but I am not trying to take her power I am just trying to create passion and excitement within her team.  I don't know what to do with the woman I am working with now. Suggestions?

Perception

I was not very surprised that my husband rated me pretty close to what I rated myself in all areas except anxiety. I believe he is privy to my nerves more than others in my professional life are, because I express my deepest feelings to him.  What surprised me most about his test is that he thought I did not like to speak in front of a group. When he knows I want to be a teacher of adults. I even said to him. Why would you think I do not like it, when that is what I want to do?  He just shrugged. I felt bad because I became passionate and a bit defensive. I had to regroup so that he would be honest for the rest of the questions. He also sees me at my worst when I resort to yelling. Yes women, I yell sometimes when my patience has run out and my kids are not listening. .

Professionally, I had one of my ex team members answer the questions. She told me that I get high anxiety when I have too much on my plate. She says I say yes to too much.  She unlike my husband thinks I do very well communicating to large groups, but that I am down on myself a lot. I would agree with that, I am my worst critic.  She also thought I was not very aggressive in my ways. I was surprised because with her specifically I have had to play the power card.

This week I was learned that I put a lot of my self-worth on my husband and I communicate that with many of my perceptions. Additionally I learned that I base a lot of my perception off personal experience, my own belief system, and off the way people look. I need to concentrate on changing my judgments and perceptions. I love to get to know people that is not only true from what I believe, but the other people in that took my survey agreed. I love people so much they can sometimes abuse that. I need to ensure that I give them the benefit of the doubt with my first impression too. 


I found this cartoon and it shows how peoples beliefs really do define their perceptions. 

Communicating Differently

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?

I do not feel that I communicate differently pre say with people from different cultures; however, I do change how I communicate. I know that it sounds like an oxymoron, but I will communicate the same things I may just talk a bit slower if a person I am talking to does not speak English.

If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

Ok… so I guess I do communicate differently, because I do not communicate the same way with children as I do with adults. I talk to children on their level and in words that they understand. As I think more about it, I talk more professionally to my supervisor than I do with my friends.

The answer is that I communicate the same things with people but obviously in different ways. 

Finding Carter- Communication

This assignment was fun and aggravating all at the same time. When I watched Pretty Little Liars. It was very dramatic with the volume down. You could see expressions and body language that expressed all the feelings under the sun. I was pretty spot on about the emotions that were being displayed such as
-anger
-happiness
-sadness
-frustration
- love
I was right about the emotions but not correct on the plot of the show.

I decided to do this with a show I like to watch.

 Since I really enjoy watching this show with my daughters I found it hard to not cheat and hear what was going on; however, when props were used and through body language, and my background knowledge, I could figure out what was going on. What I figured out is I know the characters, therefore, I could read their body language and facial expressions. I just didn't know exactly what was going on so I was aggravated. Then I had an ah-ha moment. When we are not communicating successful people know we are trying to communicated something and they become aggravated with the disconnect. Our body language and facial expressions express the emotion that we have when expressing our thoughts. Isn't it interesting when you are at church or at a training the presenter that is more animated with facial and body language is more interesting to listen to than the one that just drowns on with not facial or body language. Its true...right?

I heard a quote once that communication is 85% body language and facial expressions, and 15% actual words. (something like that) In other words, our physical expressions will give us a way every time.  For example, I say to my daughter please go clean your room, she says (sometimes) ok mommy,but her face frowns and her shoulders droop. I know she doesn't want to do it.

This is why I prefer having parent conferences in person rather than over the phone because their body language may be saying something other than what their body language is saying and I can address that at the time.

People and Communication styles

As I read this question, I realized that their has been numerous people of whom I have learned from. I have adopted some of their skills or techniques. I have also learned from people by knowing I did not want to communicate in their style.  So I learned what not to do.


Here are the following things about communication I have learned from people I have worked with.

In a meeting:

* Have open body language
* Take notes in a meeting
* Active listening
* Summarize the meeting at the end
*Follow up and open the communication again if needed

In a personal relationship

* Active listening
* Cool off before talking
*Don't react/ respond

What I have learned not to do.
* be defensive
* use bully words
* Don't raise your voice
* Don't change the focus of the communication to you at inappropriate times!


These are few things I have learned from professional that have crossed my path.

Communicating is a difficult skill, but I can say that I learn something new every day.